Heartless
by paramourconspiracy
Summary: A few things Hyde just has to think about. After all, it's Jackie. She requires a lot of thought . . . And practiced zoning out. J/H


**Disclaimer: **That '70s Show is none mine. None.

**Spoilers: **Pretty much anything and everything. Hyde reflects back.

* * *

**i.**_  
How could you be so cold?  
__ As the winter wind when it breeze yo  
__ Just remember that you talkin' to me though  
__ You need to watch the way you talkin' to me though_

Jackie knew who he was. He was Steven J. Hyde: Zen Master Extraordinaire, World's Best Government and Authority Hater, Toker Man, Dirty Ol' Hippy-To-Be. She had accepted, loved, adored these sorts of things about him. They wouldn't have gotten as far (was it far?) as they did if she hadn't. On some occasions she even told him so. She liked how gritty he was. So what was her problem? Why did she always have to expect so much?

Sometimes he sits back in his chair watching TV and thinks. Really _thinks._

What would have happened if she had just given up on the dream that he'd be that man she desperately wanted? The man who bought stocks, wore a suit every minute of his life, had a dazzling talk-show smile, share her dream of having a trophy wife? Would they have made it, if she had just finally have given up?

For all the times he thinks it, he knows that's not what he wanted. He doesn't want her to give up on him. He _can_ be a good guy. He would be any kind of good guy for her. He just couldn't be that kind of guy. That wasn't a good guy. That was a guy who would treat her wrong and be unappreciative of all the things she made him feel.

He hadn't felt those kinds of things before he gave himself to her. It wasn't the Steven J. Hyde he was before, but he knew himself, and she knew him. So why did she have to expect _so damn much?_

**ii.**_  
And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show me  
__So you walk around like you don't know me  
__You got a new friend, well I got homies  
__But in the end it's still so lonely_

Hyde had nobly given Chip a chance on Jackie's arm and had looked on coolly at their hip-to-hip stride that Veteran's Day. He seemed of no harm and Jackie looked smug with her rocker boyfriend draped around her shoulders.

He knew then that she had not liked him. Pretty much said so herself with the statement, "Yeah, Chip's been chasing after me for a while so I said, 'hey, why not?'" It was up to her who she wanted to have flings with, and at the time Hyde was just grateful for the distraction he provided for Jackie away from him. So he accepted Chip practically instantly.

Kelso had not, of course. Shaking beers angrily; not pleased that she was not left in his wake pining and whining for him. He had apparently still not gotten through the mush that was his brain that _she _had dumped _him._ Hyde enjoys Kelso's anguish plenty, so this development was just as much appreciated as frogging him in the arm. And so Chip was definitely welcomed for that thoughtful present.

It had been a nice day, in all. Chip had a decent taste in music so he was provided a suitable passer-by to talk to, the sky was clear and thankfully not muggy (he hated when his glasses got foggy), and the beer was on tap. What more could a simple man like Hyde ask for?

So the unexpected turn of events that afternoon were . . . maybe not _unpleasant_. Just, well, unexpected. A big wake-up call from the way the lazy day was progressing.

Sitting there across from Jackie on Chip's lap didn't make him uncomfortable, per se. Like he said, Chip was a decent guy. Any guy who shared his love for Zeppelin was fairly decent in his book. So no, he wasn't uncomfortable.

Ticked was a little more the underlying feeling. Keyword: underlying. He tried not to feel things on the surface. It shook his Zen.

What was with Jackie, anyway? She spent days upon days chasing him and clinging onto him and trying to convince him just how _cool_ she had suddenly become thanks to him. So what was she doing laughing at this fool's jokes? Sure, he wasdecent. But not Jackie's type. That was obvious. And plus, he knew she didn't really like him. She was trying to get to him. Or to Kelso. Get back at Kelso? He had thought of that too. He had thought of himself as a rebound. He had thought of it all.

So what exactly was he thinking when he punched the jackass out? That he would be _defending her honor? _What honor? She had brought him out of spite. There was no honor in that.

But how could he possibly let anyone take advantage of her like that? Hadn't she been through enough?

Chip was a moron anyway.

**iii.**_  
How could you be so Dr. Evil?  
You're bringin' out a side of me that I don't know  
I decided we wasn't gonna speak so  
Why we up, 3 A.M., on the phone?_

He never had much to say to her. She always had enough to blab about for the both of them. At first it was just nice to tune her out and stare at her admiringly gorgeous form until she shut up and kissed him. Later on, he started to listen. He had not liked it. What she had to say was _cruel_ to his ears. It all made them hurt worse and worse as she went on.

A little bit later on, he started to jump in himself. Bits like, "Jackie, you're making that up. Shut up." He would then kiss her for hours. It proved effective.

He was content with that strategy for the time it lasted. It didn't last long enough.

After a while he started to really _talk. _Conversations were held for more than 3 minutes of her insistent babbling. They matured into her gossiping and him, and denial was essential if this was to ever be repeated back to him, _getting into the gossip. _Like a freaking soap. Her life wasn't _that _interesting. Not enough to sober him up.

Cheerleaders did have a freakishly large amount of drama though.

He was realistically simple-minded in the sense that he liked to keep to himself and his own mind. So when this started to ensue at any given time, naturally he would have to cut in, (around the point, "Yeah! Jenna really_ did _screw Dan! I was just as shocked as you are. What a _tramp!_"), by kissing her completely senseless.

He might win the battles, but he was definitely losing the war. Even his _shades_ sometimes if she had her way. And it was rare she didn't.

She was a damn good kisser.

**iv.**_  
I mean after all the things that we've been through  
__I mean after all the things we got into  
__Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told me  
__Hey yo, I did some things but that's the old me_

He made mistakes. In fact, he was possibly the King of Mistake Makers. As usually, stupidity tied into those mistakes, so if he adds them up and times the sum by the density of his mistakes, Kelso was in a run for his money and crown.

They ranged anywhere from nurses to paranoia of an idiot to strippers. Those were the potentially more dangerous events in their relationship. Those had broken them up in the official form of the term.

But there were other things of course. Little things, like his fear of commitment, lack of money, and hatred of all things government-rooted. On her end, her skyscraper-high expectations, love of all things money-bought (money itself–she could _bathe_ in that stuff), and dire want of a fancy-shmancy wedding, preferably before she turned 23.

Maybe those issues weren't mistakes, and honestly, definitely not little things. They were things that had, well, crudely torn them to shreds–apart from each other.

So Hyde had to think love just wasn't enough to cut it. You had to be perfect for each other to make it, right?

Well then, he berates himself as he sits sometimes wondering what he could have done differently to make it work–make Them part of the Now, tell that to my freaking, stupid aching heart.

**v.**_  
Why does she be so mad at me for?  
H__omie, I don't know, she's hot and cold  
__I won't stop, won't mess my groove up  
__'Cause I already know how this thing go_

Hyde had always sat back and greatly enjoyed the tiffs Jackie and Kelso got into when they were together. Before Hyde had lovingly pulled her right from under him. How could he resist? Kelso was such a goddamn _boob._ Jackie deserved better. Unfortunately, she would have to settle for him. She might think he's her Knight in Shining Armor (or rather, had thought so), but she was wrong. He was a dirty, hippie burnout. But she loved him for it. So really, could you blame him for always taking his chances with her?

He wasn't like Kelso. He wouldn't give in first-thing to her evil demands. Kelso had always been putty in her tiny hands; Hyde was different. He knew how to put up a fight. That was usually a bad thing–them fighting–but he knew his limits and tried not to push it. She loved him mostly unconditionally (_mostly)_, so he was going to stand up to her and show her who was the man in the relationship.

In front of their friends, he would be Mr. Man, tell her straight up who wears the pants. She would always forgive his asshole-ish behavior in public for one simple reason.

Alone, he was her Puddin' Pop, and he freakin' loved it. That fact would be taken to his grave, and really, how would it not? He wouldn't be that for anyone but her. Ever.

He misses it everyday.

**vi.**_  
Talkin', talkin', talkin' talk  
__Baby let's just knock it off  
__They don't know what we been through  
__They don't know 'bout me and you_

When Donna and Eric found them in the basement that day, it was more than a little disappointing. And annoying.

Why did the stupid Perfect Couple have to go and walk in on them? They ruined everything. Sure, it paid off as he did get to be with Jackie long-term, but _still. _It was so freaking _easy_ as a secret. And totally sexy. He knew Jackie loved it. She deserved a little fun after being ditched by Kelso.

So even if it did pay off in the end, and it was a little relieving to not have to stop every time they thought they heard the door knob turning, it was still annoying.

Because then they couldn't really be together anyway. It was always "ew! ew! unnatural!" every time the pair saw Jackie and him together. He could be calling her a dirty skank and Forman would still accuse him of being creepily lovey-dovey.

They were _not _that creepy and unnatural. Forman sure is one to talk. He's got a totally hot babe completely out of his league and he was scolding him and Jackie's relationship of being out of the norm? Star Wars freak could just go get bent because he knew Jackie and he were right. They were damn frickin' right and no one could convince them otherwise!

He really should've turned that confidence on himself. But he still knows they were right. They were oh, so right. And sexy. Oh, so naturally sexy.

**vii.**_  
So I got somethin' new to see  
__And you just gon' keep hatin' me  
__And we just gon' be enemies  
__I know you can't believe  
__I could just leave it wrong  
__And you can't make it right  
__I'm gon' take off tonight  
__Into the night_

He knows it's up to him to make a move. He doesn't _want_ things to be awkward and bad and bitter between them. It's just easier that way. He doesn't like to hurt. Not being with her really hurts, so justly it's his job to make her hurt just as much, even more. _She_ was the one who had to rush things on him, give him an ultimatum, scare him away to Stripper Land.

What was he _doing?_

Sulking around like a kicked puppy licking his wounds. That isn't Hyde. Steven J. Hyde is tough, the personification of cool, true to the teachings of Zen and level-headedness. He wasn't acting it.

Well he was going to freaking start. He would show Jackie just how wrong she is about him. He is too grown. He is not a moping loser. Forman is the one who would spend weeks in depression from losing his girl. Hyde isn't that guy. Hyde is the kind of guy who picks himself up right then and there and gets his butt in gear . . . for the next circle time.

He can be a good guy.

He knows she's the only one who will notice anything new about him. He knows she'll believe in him.

He has a bit of convincing to do.

---

**It's been a long day, I died my hair into an ugly, freak, Rogue **_**thing,**_** and I don't like my nail polish color, so sue me if Hyde's a little mushier than he should be. I want some freakin' love! My mom's an ass! . . . My friend's right, I am damn high maintenance!**

**Hyde also seems a little unfair and mean at points. But really people, it's _Hyde._**** He thinks everybody's out to get him. Especially the Man! Death to the Man!**

**Hope you liked it. It was more for me than anything. I liked writing again. :)**

**-Paramour**


End file.
